When I was 12 or 13 years old, my depression started. I used to play with kids but mainly thought about what life is about, already at that age. It was all triggered by people’s behaviour in my family and a general feeling of loneliness. For example, I hated public holidays on Fridays. It was so difficult for me to spend holidays, because I used to feel lonely. I thought that there should not be holidays, that I should go to school every day. I just wanted to be busy.
I was also a victim of childhood problems. I forgot about it, but when I went to my counsellor, things I no longer knew about my past suddenly came up again. . When my father died in front of my eyes in 2006, I remember this, then it increased more than ever. I had depression but it increased too much after that. I used to go outside a lot, used to wonder on roads in the middle of the night. I had thoughts of suicide. I am lucky that I never did anything to me. After my fathers’s death, so many family problems and financial problems were there too.
My whole life my family had a shop, it was our investment. But one day, our shop was burning in front my eyes and there was nothing we could do. So I was standing there and watching, it was horrible. This also increased my depression, more than ever. When I was depressed and sad, I always asked God for help.
When a friend of mine started working for the Pakistan Association for Mental Health, there was a doctor that helped me because he said I should start therapy. I started, I left. I started, I left – and so on. Then I met a doctor who said I should start doing this continuously, as I was suffering from major depression and anxiety. Then I started with my treatment. I always had God in my mind and heart for help because I have always been a dependent person in my whole life. I have never fought for anything by myself. In the end, friends of mine helped me much – and here I am, because of them. I never thought I would be sitting here and giving an interview or being on a TV add. Even my family is surprised about what’s happening to me.
Doing therapy regularly has helped me a lot with my depression and anxiety. I initially thought it is enough to take medications, but I realised that this is not true: therapy is more than medications.
When I was offered to be part of the mental health awareness add, I refused the first time. But my friends asked, why did you refuse when everyone else wants to be on TV? So I thought, we can be making history, as this was the first mental health awareness add in Pakistan. It was good for me to do this, as I was facing my fears. So I want to say to others that they should face their fears too. I was also suffering from depression but I sought help – and now, here I am.