Are you finding it difficult to communicate with the people around you? What communication skills can you use to improve your relationships?
Being able to communicate effectively is a skill that all human beings must possess in order to be able to connect with the people around them. Communication skills involve being able to express ourselves effectively and being good listeners. This section focuses on expressing ourselves and listening is covered in the compassionate listening section.
Before we can improve our communication skills, it is important that we are in a state in which we are in control of our behaviour. When we are distressed, our emotions are usually in charge of us and we often react in ways that are harmful for our relationships. Therefore, practicing self-care and managing distress is important before we can begin to work on our communication skills.
Expressing ourselves involves conveying our thoughts and feelings in such a way that we are able to get our message across, without harming our relationships. This is particularly important when it comes to expressing unpleasant emotions like anger and worry. While there are several communication strategies that are available, different strategies are applicable in different situations, so we must assess the situation before using a strategy.
We consider communication strategies to be of three main types:
- Passive approaches involve the individual internalizing the emotions and not expressing them towards others. A passive approach may be helpful in quick resolution and prevention from escalation of situations which may pose an immediate harm to us, such as during a robbery or a physical altercation. However, in long term relationships they may cause a buildup of unpleasant emotions inside us. This may result in the development of resentment against others thereby harming our relationships with them. If the emotions buildup to a point that we are unable to contain them, then aggressive outbursts can also occur which may further damage our relationships.
- Aggressive approaches involve the individual externalizing the emotions and expressing them towards others in a threatening manner. They may be helpful in enabling us to quickly channel any unpleasant emotions inside of us, and dealing with situations in which an injustice is being committed against us. However, aggressive approaches are problematic in that they humiliate others and ruin our relationships with them. Parents using aggressive approaches may damage the self-esteem and self-confidence of their children. For more information please visit the parenting skills.
- Assertive approaches involve the individual expressing their emotions in a respectful but firm manner. They are usually the best approach in most situations, since they allow us to express ourselves, preventing the buildup of unpleasant emotions, without humiliating others and ruining our relationships. In fact expressing ourselves in relationships improves the relationship as it gives the other person feedback on what works for us and what does not. For example, if we tell someone in an assertive manner that we do not like something, they are less likely to do it again. This approach does not work in certain relationships and in these cases it is important to use coping skills to deal with the unpleasant emotions and talk to someone about the relationship.