This sentence is the most resonating one in our society. I hope we all have heard and said at multiple occasions oftentimes based on conforming to an illusionary or forced peer pressure. There were always certain rules to follow, appearances to maintain, and expectations to live up to- impose by gazes in our surrounding. This ‘Log kya Kahen ge’ phenomenon has been an obstruction in seeking help and support from the peers and subject matter experts. Have you ever thought who these people are? Who are they to suppress the vulnerability and to air the stigma? Interestingly, this phenomenon runs on the vendor machine of ‘I know it all’ concept and we all are encompassed in this role-play activity. This lead to perfidious and apathetic judgments with no prior research and profound understanding of what the real matter is.
The mentality of caring immensely about what others will say or think about them is a staple in our culture, drilled into our heads since we were born. Due to this collectivistic culture, our lives are intertwined around the gazes. No matter how peculiar the opinion is, we all have learned to submit to “Log kya Kahen ge” phenomenon. While I love my culture for multiple other reasons than this one, the idea of “Log kya Kahen ge” emphasizes how much of Sub-continental culture is focused on shame and guilt. So many of us are pressured into doing what we don’t want to do, because of the fear of what other people will think or say about us. We’re pressured into choosing majors we don’t want to study, careers we don’t want, and spouses we don’t even like. We nullify our own voice and prefer to conform to their verdict. It’s us who have empowered the phenomenon of “Log kya Kahen ge” and we are the ones who are bearing the consequences of it.
Many times I’ve been told to take down certain social media posts, because of the fear of what my acquaintances think of me: they will backlash me of my liberal perspective. Some of my friends have been forced to choose biology and engineering as their majors, when all they really wanted to do was study acting, or go to military school. “Log kya Kahen ge?” not only holds us back from what we truly wish to accomplish, but it is also a method of control and dominance to force compliance and acceptance of outdated and peculiar traditions and behaviour. It is used to discourage men and women both from speaking up about domestic violence or rape. It is used to push couples to have children, or to discourage one from marrying outside their race or religion or with someone whom they love. Some people can’t confess that they are substance abusers and have been through depression just because what “Log kya Kahen ge”. Out of this chaos, we all try to find solace in some physically and mentally unhealthy alternatives. Some people visit pirs or some astrologist to find solutions to their problems. Others’ manifest their psychological debate into some physical illness. And some unfortunate ones commit suicide out of the fear of this phenomenon. Day by day, these stigmas are proliferating and are leading to more confusion and disorder in the society.
It is a high time to demolish this phenomenon so that people would unilaterally follow their heart and wit rather than regretting over the socially imposed stigmas. To be frank, “log kya kahen ge?” is a toxic concept that tries to silence individuals who try to point out what is wrong with our culture. Why should we care about what others think? Why should we live our lives according to the expectations of others? We can’t allow it to seep through our personal life and decision. We cannot let this mentality dictate what decisions we make in our lives, because ultimately, we are the ones living it, and not anyone else. It is our life story and we can’t let others to narrate the plot of our individual story.
We all have to negate this phenomenon in our daily part and parcel by welcoming critical thinking and wit to be its suitable replacement. We have to reprogram this role play activity in which we should not be either on both ends. This eradication begins from “hum kya sochte hain dosron keh baare mai?” If this thought got transformed into “hum logon ko unn keh life decisions per judge nhi kren ge” will be a first step towards the change of thought processing. This will help a lot of people to speak-out of real mental health problems without this fear of being judged and excommunicated by the gazes of society.
The author Zainab Shabbir is a survivor herself and a passionate mental health advocate. She wishes to start support groups in Pakistan where sufferers can open up and seek peer support.